Only for this, this subject. Not searching confessions. Searching for PROVOCATION. Specially from... Yes, that Special Person. Want to See Reaction.
Now Xisca is not here I am feeling sex needs. Yes, she's older but still good f... Very. Well, not that much now, but first year was AMAZING. One or three times fucking a day (one the worst days, at the very least). True. Yes, I was not working (well, happened for things, and I Focused only on myself-NOT GOOD, I KNOW). Something changed on her, when we went to live to his familiar house. All changed for bad in that aspect. Well...
Problem Now is that, even not thinking about Brooke's sex, as Idol Sexual (and not because I don't think she's Sexy, she's Very Much), as All we have about Artists, Models..., I do not feel safe searching for sex, payed or not.
It's problem.
Some of best sex of my life was the first time. Maria (PAYED, I remember). It was just this, SEX. First time. I was in Love and Hopeful. And Felt so Good. She was so Nice. She was quite pretty face, not fat but not skinny, already 30, and brunette brown eyes. Very NICE (things I said about offers on that day I Regret for Have Said them: I DO RESPECT SO MUCH, AND THAT WAS MY INTENTION WHEN MAKE COMMENTS, just Fun but now I see Fun is not always NICE, my opinion: I knew I was listened, but not that much, oh my god).
After, it started to be something like vengeances on Living. Always erected and eyaculated, but not that fun.
It was Always a Prove, because of Frustration. Brought to more Frustration State and to More Sex.
I'm PROVOCATING!
Ah, those Memories Look so Far Now, like another person.
Me so Evolutioned.
My Friend from University tells me to Enjoy Living and take things easier.
Now I Do Feel Sex only as inner alone Emotion, without Perception of any thing from the outside.
And it does not feel vengeance sex. Much better.
It's conflict, because I will not leave Xisca. Yes...
How bad is this thing of years and fidelity on couples (well, I know my situation, specific, but I still think she got a good... you know; now on a calm day coming from some forest or swim I do think, and think of sex).
The fact is that we Always want what we do not have.
What makes her special compared to all others?
She's SPECIAL. So Much to me.
Why? What to say, don't know. Chemical? Common Troubled Past? Sensitivity and Delicate (my opinion I know: IT TRULY WAS, the Sex, AND SHE'S THAT KIND, beyond selfclosing: too much vulnerable) ways?
I don't care that much about IQ, but more about Sensitivity, Woman's.
When I was ill, so
I could notice she was the only person I wanted to see and felt comfortable with. Sex came after it.
All I Know is that I will Always Love her.
It's Direct Provocation, but it's Also True.
Thought what I may seem, or what people may think, I Honestly Think this is RESPECT to Her Now from me, as a Woman.
I should post a Picture from her wedding, SO LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL to me.
I will post one from grandma and grandpa (he one of most elegant as I said), and one from me with university hat (yes, not high school: I think I said this because
about looks, too childish I was
thinking, or did not say? Very, very few times did not tell the truth, this could be one. I'm sorry for myself. Well, some more human showing.
I Want to Transform my Coming, for this I Said All Truth I Said, in FRIENDLY, JUST FRIENDLY AND NICE AND SMART.
FAMILY!
Those things I say, in fact (another lie: not only provocating) Help to Sense for the Going on that way.
Selftherapy. For Good.
I'm starting to Have that "dirty" kind of thinking in my mind that sex needs. it's just to let instinct go, in fact. Purity of Ethereal Concepts do not must catch me for all of the time now.
I'm waiting for sex with her. Today I'll tell. Maybe from the distance she gets some excited. I hope.
Since my travels to USA, oh my.
For her, and for me too, I Admit. She angry, me in other places.
We agreed about fact we both would end when simply happened. She always thought I would leave her. Now I know she just don't think about. What I said about Living.
JUST ENJOY!
Now not feeling worries about REACTION.
I HAD TO DO THIS. GOOD FOR OPEN FREE PULSIONS OF MINE.
YES, YES, MONKEY COMES TO SURFACE. IT'S USUAL, BUT NOT THAT MUCH ON SEXUAL SIDE FROM ME, BECAUSE OF RESPECT. But now that I'm talking about me and person who is with me...
I Do Honestly Feel I'm Respecting her by this. And it increases my wish for her. Reallly. Already half erection now.
Truly.
Well, some
on Truth! Nothing Guilty. "Har el amor (o sea, folla), y no la guerra". I Do Agree, MY FRIEND!!